Hey there ๐ Weโre glad youโre here.
This is a place for honest stories and practical tools about what it really takes to rise together, even when itโs hard, even when itโs messy.
Weโll talk about boundaries, mentorship, allyship, and all the moments when you want to give up on people (but choose not to).
Hereโs to practicing community, over perfection, over pedestals, every single time.
What weโre stirring up this week:
๐ค Not All Women Are Your Ally
๐ How Are You Signing Off Today?
๐๏ธ Community Over Pedestals
๐ง Free Tool: Mentor Check-In
๐ค Not All Women Are Your Ally
But you can still be theirsโฆ
Letโs get one thing out of the way: not all women are your ally.
Some are competing with you. Some are gossiping about you. Some are undermining you in meetings, ccโing unnecessary people on emails to make you look bad, or intentionally excluding you from group chats and decisions.
Ask me how I know.
At my last job, I worked with a young woman who was visibly and deeply insecure. Her discomfort with my presence was palpable. Any time I shined, she shrank. And instead of looking inward to examine why she felt threatened, she lashed outward.
Her strategy? Subtle sabotage.
Performative professionalism with a side of cold shoulders and sideways comments. The kind of behavior that, had it come from a man, would be instantly flagged, but because it came wrapped in a curated girlboss aesthetic, it was harder to call out without looking โemotional.โ
Thatโs what my boss called it after I had gone to HR about favoritism and bad behavior. He downplayed the complaint as a catfight. Women acting emotionally. Someone getting their whittle feelings hurt about not being invited to a party.
I knew what she was doing. I saw it clearly. And guess what? I still chose to be her ally.
On my last day (Because you better believe I quit that toxic hole of a workplace), I offered her professional advice that was specific to her getting ahead. I gave her some of my ideas wrapped with a bow to help her sparkle. I offered mentorship and coffee dates. Not friendship. Not trust. But a professional relationship rooted in growth. Because while I couldnโt trust her with my personal life and stories, I could still show up in a way that lifted her up.
When the tide comes, all boats rise. All boats with women in them, that is. ๐
It doesnโt mean we ignore bad behavior. It doesnโt mean we sacrifice our safety or peace to appease people who have proven themselves untrustworthy. It means we lead. We go first. We say: Even if youโre not my ally, I will be yours. Because your liberation is tied up in mine, whether you see it or not.
This extends beyond the workplace. Women are voting against their own rights. Women whoโve internalized patriarchy so deeply that they canโt recognize how theyโre being used as pawns. Women whoโd rather be accepted by the dominant culture than be free.
Iโm not going to brunch with them. But Iโm not going to hate them either. Iโm going to channel that energy into action. Into advocacy. Into building a world where their daughters and nieces, and granddaughters have more choices than they gave themselves.
Because allyship isnโt a personality or a social media hashtag, itโs a practice. And sometimes it starts with this simple truth:
I may not trust you. But I will not betray myself by becoming like you. I will hold my boundaries. And I will still rise and work to lift all of us as I do.
๐๏ธ Community Over Pedestals
A Real Talk on Mentorship
About three years ago, I asked a woman I worked with to be my mentor. She kind of laughed it off and said, โOh, youโre so sweet,โ which made me feel like a child.
I wasnโt kidding. Or just trying to flatter her. I really wanted guidance.
At the time, I felt rejected. It stung.
But with hindsight, I see it differently now. Sheโs incredible, but she wouldnโt have been the right mentor for me. And maybe she didnโt take me seriously because I didnโt really know how to ask.
For so many of us (especially women, queer folks, and people of color) itโs never simple. Itโs full of weird power dynamics, hidden labor, and old hurts that make asking or offering hard.
So what if we did this differently?
What if we built brave, thoughtful, reciprocal circles of care, community over pedestals?
How Do We Practice Being Communities That Mentor?
Not by hoarding wisdom. Not by keeping people out. But by passing it forward, honestly and together.
So, where do you start?
First: What Kind of Mentorship Do You Want?
Before you ask or offer, get clear: do you need a one-on-one guide right now, or would a community circle nourish you more?
๐ฅ One-on-One Mentorship
Deep trust, personalized support.
Works best with clear agreements and shared values.
But it can get lopsided if expectations arenโt clear or if the mentor holds all the power.
๐ฑ Community Mentorship
Small circles with rotating roles, no single โsage on the hill.โ
Everyone gives and receives wisdom.
Good for folks whoโve felt left out of old-school mentorship structures.
Examples: peer pods, collective advisory groups, skill-share nights.
If Youโre Seeking Mentorship: Pause and Reflect
A few questions to ground yourself:
What do I actually need right now? (Advice? A sounding board? Accountability?)
What am I offering in return? (My honesty, curiosity, presence, connections?)
What does good mentorship look like for me? (Boundaries, style, frequency?)
Who do I feel safe learning from? (And do I need to challenge any old assumptions about whoโs โqualifiedโ?)
If Someone Asks You to Be Their Mentorโฆ
Take a breath. You donโt have to say yes on the spot.
Itโs okay to pause and ask yourself:
Why do I want to say yes? Is it genuine, or do I feel pressured?
What are they really asking for? Do I have what they need and the time to show up well?
Will this energize me, or drain me?
Could I help better by suggesting someone else, or offering just a one-time conversation?
If itโs a yes, get clear together:
What does this look like? Maybe itโs one coffee. Maybe itโs a monthly chat.
Whatโs off-limits? Be honest about your limits.
What do you expect from them? Show up prepared, respect your time, and do the work between meetings.
And if itโs a no? Be kind, but donโt ghost. A simple, honest โI donโt have the capacity right now, but hereโs someone else or something else that might help,โ speaking from experience, is a gift.
A Shared Check-In You Can Actually Use
If youโre mentoring (or being mentored), this simple Google Doc can help you keep your conversations clear and useful.
Itโs just a short check-in guide: what youโre working on, what youโll do next, and how youโll follow up โ so youโre not having the same vague chat every time.
Use it, adapt it, share it.
โค๏ธ A Closing Thought
When we drop the pedestal, we make room for real care.
When we stop waiting for someone above us to save us, we remember: we can hold each other up.
May your mentorship, whatever shape it takes, remind you that youโre not meant to do this alone.
๐งMentor Check-In: A Simple Tool to Keep You Aligned
How to Use This Doc
Keep this in a shared Google Doc or Notion page.
The mentee writes in it before each meeting (or during!).
The mentor can add notes, suggestions, or boundaries if needed.
Check back each time so your conversations build, not just repeat.
With love and moonlight,
Covvn