When the Tide Comes 🌊
Real talk on boundaries, mentorship & rising together.
Hey there 👋 We’re glad you’re here.
This is a place for honest stories and practical tools about what it really takes to rise together, even when it’s hard, even when it’s messy.
We’ll talk about boundaries, mentorship, allyship, and all the moments when you want to give up on people (but choose not to).
Here’s to practicing community, over perfection, over pedestals, every single time.
What we’re stirring up this week:
🤝 Not All Women Are Your Ally
💅 How Are You Signing Off Today?
🏛️ Community Over Pedestals
🔧 Free Tool: Mentor Check-In
🤝 Not All Women Are Your Ally
But you can still be theirs…
Let’s get one thing out of the way: not all women are your ally.
Some are competing with you. Some are gossiping about you. Some are undermining you in meetings, cc’ing unnecessary people on emails to make you look bad, or intentionally excluding you from group chats and decisions.
Ask me how I know.
At my last job, I worked with a young woman who was visibly and deeply insecure. Her discomfort with my presence was palpable. Any time I shined, she shrank. And instead of looking inward to examine why she felt threatened, she lashed outward.
Her strategy? Subtle sabotage.
Performative professionalism with a side of cold shoulders and sideways comments. The kind of behavior that, had it come from a man, would be instantly flagged, but because it came wrapped in a curated girlboss aesthetic, it was harder to call out without looking “emotional.”
That’s what my boss called it after I had gone to HR about favoritism and bad behavior. He downplayed the complaint as a catfight. Women acting emotionally. Someone getting their whittle feelings hurt about not being invited to a party.
I knew what she was doing. I saw it clearly. And guess what? I still chose to be her ally.
On my last day (Because you better believe I quit that toxic hole of a workplace), I offered her professional advice that was specific to her getting ahead. I gave her some of my ideas wrapped with a bow to help her sparkle. I offered mentorship and coffee dates. Not friendship. Not trust. But a professional relationship rooted in growth. Because while I couldn’t trust her with my personal life and stories, I could still show up in a way that lifted her up.
When the tide comes, all boats rise. All boats with women in them, that is. 😉
It doesn’t mean we ignore bad behavior. It doesn’t mean we sacrifice our safety or peace to appease people who have proven themselves untrustworthy. It means we lead. We go first. We say: Even if you’re not my ally, I will be yours. Because your liberation is tied up in mine, whether you see it or not.
This extends beyond the workplace. Women are voting against their own rights. Women who’ve internalized patriarchy so deeply that they can’t recognize how they’re being used as pawns. Women who’d rather be accepted by the dominant culture than be free.
I’m not going to brunch with them. But I’m not going to hate them either. I’m going to channel that energy into action. Into advocacy. Into building a world where their daughters and nieces, and granddaughters have more choices than they gave themselves.
Because allyship isn’t a personality or a social media hashtag, it’s a practice. And sometimes it starts with this simple truth:
I may not trust you. But I will not betray myself by becoming like you. I will hold my boundaries. And I will still rise and work to lift all of us as I do.
🏛️ Community Over Pedestals
A Real Talk on Mentorship
About three years ago, I asked a woman I worked with to be my mentor. She kind of laughed it off and said, “Oh, you’re so sweet,” which made me feel like a child.
I wasn’t kidding. Or just trying to flatter her. I really wanted guidance.
At the time, I felt rejected. It stung.
But with hindsight, I see it differently now. She’s incredible, but she wouldn’t have been the right mentor for me. And maybe she didn’t take me seriously because I didn’t really know how to ask.
For so many of us (especially women, queer folks, and people of color) it’s never simple. It’s full of weird power dynamics, hidden labor, and old hurts that make asking or offering hard.
So what if we did this differently?
What if we built brave, thoughtful, reciprocal circles of care, community over pedestals?
How Do We Practice Being Communities That Mentor?
Not by hoarding wisdom. Not by keeping people out. But by passing it forward, honestly and together.
So, where do you start?
First: What Kind of Mentorship Do You Want?
Before you ask or offer, get clear: do you need a one-on-one guide right now, or would a community circle nourish you more?
👥 One-on-One Mentorship
Deep trust, personalized support.
Works best with clear agreements and shared values.
But it can get lopsided if expectations aren’t clear or if the mentor holds all the power.
🌱 Community Mentorship
Small circles with rotating roles, no single “sage on the hill.”
Everyone gives and receives wisdom.
Good for folks who’ve felt left out of old-school mentorship structures.
Examples: peer pods, collective advisory groups, skill-share nights.
If You’re Seeking Mentorship: Pause and Reflect
A few questions to ground yourself:
What do I actually need right now? (Advice? A sounding board? Accountability?)
What am I offering in return? (My honesty, curiosity, presence, connections?)
What does good mentorship look like for me? (Boundaries, style, frequency?)
Who do I feel safe learning from? (And do I need to challenge any old assumptions about who’s “qualified”?)
If Someone Asks You to Be Their Mentor…
Take a breath. You don’t have to say yes on the spot.
It’s okay to pause and ask yourself:
Why do I want to say yes? Is it genuine, or do I feel pressured?
What are they really asking for? Do I have what they need and the time to show up well?
Will this energize me, or drain me?
Could I help better by suggesting someone else, or offering just a one-time conversation?
If it’s a yes, get clear together:
What does this look like? Maybe it’s one coffee. Maybe it’s a monthly chat.
What’s off-limits? Be honest about your limits.
What do you expect from them? Show up prepared, respect your time, and do the work between meetings.
And if it’s a no? Be kind, but don’t ghost. A simple, honest “I don’t have the capacity right now, but here’s someone else or something else that might help,” speaking from experience, is a gift.
A Shared Check-In You Can Actually Use
If you’re mentoring (or being mentored), this simple Google Doc can help you keep your conversations clear and useful.
It’s just a short check-in guide: what you’re working on, what you’ll do next, and how you’ll follow up — so you’re not having the same vague chat every time.
Use it, adapt it, share it.
❤️ A Closing Thought
When we drop the pedestal, we make room for real care.
When we stop waiting for someone above us to save us, we remember: we can hold each other up.
May your mentorship, whatever shape it takes, remind you that you’re not meant to do this alone.
🔧Mentor Check-In: A Simple Tool to Keep You Aligned
How to Use This Doc
Keep this in a shared Google Doc or Notion page.
The mentee writes in it before each meeting (or during!).
The mentor can add notes, suggestions, or boundaries if needed.
Check back each time so your conversations build, not just repeat.
With love and moonlight,
Covvn